Last week I had the pleasure of hearing from one of the athletes I worked with in the UK.

We had texted a few weeks before, he had a small wrist injury and the English season was coming close, and we said we needed to have a proper call one of these days. Then one evening I got a message:

“Do you have a few minutes?”

That intrigued me. So I called.

I wasn’t expecting the conversation that followed.

He had quite an interesting story about his day. I used to coach him when he was a teenager a few years back, but now he’s a big young man. Safe to say, he should be able to make his own decisions.

And that’s exactly where the issue was.

He told me about a conversation he had with his current coach. He had explained that he wanted to drop from six pieces to three for several reasons, mainly injury and work. During that discussion, he received responses that didn’t make him feel particularly good.

After we talked, I hope I helped him settle enough to sit down with his coach the next day and find some common ground.

But here’s the point.

As coaches, we are deeply invested in our athletes. For us, it’s our job. Our reputation. Our goals.

For them, and this depends on the athlete, it might be a hobby. Or one part of a much bigger life.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. Expecting more than maybe they wanted to give. Forgetting where that line is.

Imagine an athlete whose priority is excelling at school studying hard to ace every exam and on top of that committing to full-time training. Or senior athletes balancing university or a job.

So when do we sit down and really listen?

I am clear that I expect hard work. I expect them to push, to reach new highs, to realise their potential. But that only stands as long as they want it, or as long as they can.

If they give me what they have left after everything else in their life demands energy, and they do that day in and day out, they have my utmost respect.

Do you sit and talk at the start of the session to see how they are feeling?

Sometimes a simple question is enough:

“How much energy do you have to give today?”

So I leave you with something to chew on.

Are you opening lines of communication with your athletes to truly get the best out of them?

Or are you building a wall that prevents you from learning who they really are?

Onto the ego talks we go.